‘Twas the night before Christmas and I’m still in the office,
(No chance to get home and make good on a promise)
The desk is still piled with papers for checking.
The whole place is cold and bare with no decking.
The heating went off at four to save money,
The recession is biting, it’s really not funny.
No more biscuits for clients, now only tea
Or coffee or water (though not for employees).
The training budget is also now lacking,
But reduced education is better than sacking.
A few people have gone this financial year.
The place isn’t brimming with Christmas cheer.
Another bar on the heater? But the partner’s not hearing;
A late night completion is what I was fearing
Now a pizza with turkey is the best I can hope for.
(At least it’s not Twister at home with the in-laws.)
Some things are quite nice about working til late
(It’s much better than Extras with Ricky Gervais
Or the endless repeats of Morecambe and Wise
And the ‘Celebrity’ Special of Stars In Their Eyes).
Stop thinking ahead and get back to the drafting,
A contract to finish. What’s this hell that I’m trapped in?
At law school I was promised a fist full of cash,
Work in the week and then out on the lash.
Partnership once looked mighty appealing
But now I’ll be lucky to hit the glass ceiling
Associate, Director, Assistant or Member?
Who really cares, it’s the end of December.
“Now is the winter of our discontent”
I wonder if this is what Shakespeare had meant
The Legal Services Act might not make things much better.
Now concentrate Kevin, get back to this letter:
Dear client, I know what I promised back when,
But I’ve re-read your file and it’s hopeless my friend.
Now here is my bill, please pay it with speed
Any complaints please refer them to His Honour, Judge Deed.
Out of the office, and presents from Esso
(The only place open that still sells espresso)
Then back to the office at break of light
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night”